Has this ever happened to you?

The guy that started working at your corporate job around the same time as you just got promoted. #workgoals

What makes you a little irked about the situation is the fact that he’s not even as good at his job as you are!

The designated “single gal” of your girl gang just got engaged to a guy she met six months ago. #relationshipgoals

What boggles your mind is the fact that she wasn’t even looking for a serious relationship at the time she met the guy—it just suddenly, magically happened!

The curvy and confident woman whose style you’ve always admired suddenly drops 3 sizes. #fitnessgoals

What’s making you scratch your head about it is the fact that she’s not even working out!

Let’s be clear for a moment…

When people succeed, you’re happy for them. Genuinely. For reals. And you should be!

But when people within your corner of the world, or worst, within your own circle start surpassing you on milestones you’re working hard for, it’s hard to not let your emotions get involved.

It’s like in that movie Bridesmaids.

The main character, Annie, was happy that her best friend, Lillian, got engaged. But at the same time, Annie was at ground zero in her own life so she couldn’t give the emotional support Lillian needed.

When you’ve got goal envy, you’re being an Annie.

No matter how focused you are on your goals and no matter how “together” you present yourself to the world, you will, at some point, be hit with goal envy.

What’s Goal Envy?

Goal envy is when someone you know or are closely associated with achieves something you’ve been wanting for a long while.

Now, don’t get us wrong here. It’s great to see your friends succeed. And it’s great to have friends you can build with AND chill with. But when their success starts to get in your head and mess with your focus, then, well, that’s not so great.

Unfortunately this is just an inevitable part of the journey. But the sting of goal envy doesn’t have to be. And if handled correctly, it can be the push you need to double down on your goals and crush them.

Sounds great, doesn’t it? But how exactly do you do it?

With The Trés Fleek 3-Step Game Plan For Turning Goal Envy Into Goal Crushing, of course. Now let’s see how you can keep on rooting for those around you but still get back to hustlin’— and more focused than before.

1. Seek Out Their Advice

Sounds daunting, right? But really, it’s not that bad. Rather than sit around having goal envy, why not pick their brains to see how they succeeded?

Why Does This Work?

•      People love giving advice about something they’ve accomplished–it makes them feel like a badass. Let them know you see them shining…and that you want some of that glow too.
•      People who have lived your struggle are an instant support system. They’re more likely to give you insider knowledge they wouldn’t give anyone else. And when you’ve got boss level goals on the brain, you need major support.

How To Approach Them

Assuming that you’re goal envying someone you have a rapport with, you can keep it relatively casual by sending a friendly text or email. Something like:

“Hey, I just wanted to say congrats on your promotion. I’d love to know more about how you made it happen. If you’re free this week sometime, can we chat over lunch? My treat.”

When you have them one-on-one, ask them questions about their mindset when they were approaching their goals. It will help give you insight into how you can adjust your approach and see results even faster.

Questions To Ask

•      Have you tried to get promoted/get in a serious relationship/get fit/[insert goal here] before?
•      What made this time different for you?
•      What’s something you know now that you wish you had known back when you started?
•      How did you deal with haters, naysayers, and petty people?
•      How did you get support? Was support needed?
•      What obstacles did you face along the way? 
•      How did you manage when things got hard and frustrating? [Read more: 10 Easy Ways To Get Things Done When You Just Don’t Feel Like It]

Reflecting on what you’ve learned, take a look back at your own goals. Is there something about their approach you could use to kick your hustle up a notch?

2. Get Honest With Yourself

If nothing else, here at Trés Fleek we like to keep it real. And if that means needing to hold up a mirror to yourself and take a good, hard look, then, well, that’s what ya gotta do.

But it’s not as scary as it sounds.

Start by getting out a sheet of paper. On the top line, write out one of your goals.

Now underneath that one goal, list every step you’ve taken in the last 6 months towards turning that goal into a reality.

For example:

Start Selling My Coaching Services Online

1.     I got a domain name
2.     I did market research
3.     I started a Facebook fan page
4.     I read a blog that helped me create a marketing strategy
5.     I’ve written 15 blog posts
6.     I spent 3 hours on a Saturday learning SEO and how to use it on my blog
7.     I got more professional photos taken
8.     I made a website
9.     I researched how to get organic traffic to my website
10.  I started making time to put at least 15 minutes into my coaching biz every day and I haven’t missed a day yet

On and on you’ll go. Try to write down at least 25 steps you’ve taken towards you’re achieving your goal.

Why Does This Work?

Research shows that while we are quick to point out our flaws, we’re not as quick to acknowledge our good traits. Blame it on society teaching us to be humble and keep our heads to the ground. No one wants to be around those overly confident people who believe they can do no wrong, am I right?

But acknowledging yourself does not make you full of yourself, and it’s not going to give you a big head. In fact, it’s going to do just the opposite.

It’ll show you how far you have come— give you that extra kick you need to keep on going.

You see, when you have all of these things written out in black and white, it helps your brain realize all the progress that you have made. You see that you really are getting closer to where you want to be, and, if you just keep at it, you’ll be there in no time.

3. Answer “What Am I Avoiding?”

Now it’s time to turn that piece of paper over and get real with yourself about what it is you should be doing…but aren’t.

As humans, we are biologically averse to change. We hate it. It requires work. And that’s not fun.

Yet it’s the only thing that’s constant in this ever-changing world.

Oftentimes the reason we struggle with our goals is because we want them to fit into the lives we have now. We want the new wine in an old bottle.

•      We want the fairytale romance, but we’re too busy with work to have a relationship.
•      We want the beach bod, but we’re too tired to stick to our weekly workouts.
•      We want the promotion, but we’re too shy to mix and mingle with senior management so they can get to know us.

We want our goals to fit our lives as they are now. With as little inconvenience as possible.

Here’s the thing about that: this mindset will keep you stuck. It will make you come up with excuse after excuse as to why you can’t achieve your goals and why it’s not fair.

The Truth No One Tells You About Success

When you’re trying to achieve big things, your life will be turned upside down. The things you’re used to doing won’t give you the new life you want.

But, as the saying goes, old habits die hard.

You will have to say “No” when you used to say “Yes”. You will have to ignore the jealous criticism of haters and naysayers. You will have to push through even when it gets tough.

This happens whether you want to drop 10 pounds or 100. Whether you want to get a Valentine’s Day date or get married. Whether you want to climb the corporate ladder or create a 6-figure side hustle.

No matter how big or how small the goal, your life, as you know it now, will have to change.

But there’s a reason you want to make a change, after all. So let’s get to it.

Write down actions you know will push you towards success but that you’ve been resisting for whatever reason. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, just write down all the actions you’re not taking (only the action, not the excuse!).

Now look at that list and ask yourself:

•      What’s making you avoid this particular action?
•      Do you need something else in place before you can get it done?
•      Are there ways to achieve the same outcome with different actions?

Why Does This Work?

By getting clear on what you’re avoiding, you can get to the bottom of what’s really causing your inaction. And once the obstacle becomes crystal clear, you’ll be able to break past it with laser focus.

Remember That Feelings Aren’t Facts

If your best friend told you daily that your dreams were silly and said that you would never achieve them, she wouldn’t be your best friend much longer, would she? Why? Because she’s being abusive!

Same rules apply to you.

When you muck about feeling like a failure, mentally keeping score on how you just simply don’t measure up, you’re verbally and mentally abusing yourself.

You’re only feeling that way because you’re comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle or end. It’s unproductive and it literally doesn’t help you achieve anything positive. And it has got to stop.

Putting The 3-Step Game Plan To Work

Next time you start to feel like everyone around you is moving at the speed of light but you’re stuck at a snail’s pace, you know what to do: use the three steps we outlined above. Or better yet, consider adding them to your weekly or monthly routine so you can keep those negative feelings at bay.

Has The Trés Fleek 3-Step Game Plan helped you kick it up a notch? Share your success story with us in the comments below.